Mumsnet’s potty training forum is one long, honest record of how messy and non-linear this actually is: threads about total regressions after months of success, three-year-olds who point-blank refuse to sit on a potty, and toddlers who hold wees so long they end up with a water infection. If potty training isn’t going the way the books promised, you’re in very normal company.
Signs of readiness (not age)
There’s no magic age: readiness varies hugely. Signs worth waiting for include staying dry for a couple of hours at a time, showing awareness of having done a wee or poo, being able to follow simple instructions, showing interest in the toilet, and being able to pull trousers up and down themselves. Most children show these signs somewhere between 2 and 3.5, though plenty of typical children are later.
The 3-day method vs a slower approach
Many UK parents use an intensive approach: clear a few days, go nappy-free at home, and take the child to the potty frequently, accepting accidents on day one. For a child who resists or gets distressed, forcing through regardless tends to create refusal and anxiety: backing off for a few weeks and trying later is a completely legitimate choice.
Why regressions happen (and they’re extremely common)
A child who was reliably trained for months can suddenly start having frequent accidents or refusing to sit down. Common triggers include a new sibling arriving, starting nursery, a house move, bereavement, or simply a phase of asserting control. Staying deliberately unbothered about accidents: changing them calmly without commentary: repeatedly comes up as helping.
Poo-specific withholding
A distinct and very common pattern is a child who’s fine with wees but will hold in poos. This is usually behavioural rather than medical, often linked to a past uncomfortable poo. If it persists for more than a few weeks, or you notice hard, infrequent stools, it’s worth a chat with your GP to rule out constipation.
Practical things that come up again and again
- Boys often find it easier to start sitting down, then move to standing once accuracy is reliable
- Keeping a potty in more than one room reduces accidents
- Long car journeys and nursery days are common accident triggers
- Reward charts help some children and do nothing for others
When to get medical advice
Speak to your GP or health visitor if your child is still not showing any readiness signs by around age 4, if there’s pain during weeing or pooing, or if constipation or repeated water infections are a recurring pattern.
Quick answers
Should I go straight to pants or use pull-ups first? Proper pants tend to work faster since pull-ups feel too similar to a nappy for a child to notice being wet.
What about night training? This is separate and usually comes months to years after daytime training: don’t rush it.